


A Million Smiles

by milkcoffee (abucketfulloffeels)



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medical, Angst, F/F, This will not end well read at your own risk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-07-23 22:16:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7482000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abucketfulloffeels/pseuds/milkcoffee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Medical student Nishikino Maki's chance encounter with a local idol Yazawa Nico at the hospital sparks off an unlikely relationship between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've warned you in the tags and I will warn you here once again - this story will not end well. But if you have decided to proceed anyway, do enjoy!

 “Nishikino-san, could you go collect a blood sample from the patient in room 103?”

 “Oh, sure.” Maki took the equipment and clipboard from the doctor she was shadowing. “Um...will you be coming, senpai?”

 The doctor smiled. “I know this is your first time drawing blood from a real patient, but you don’t have to worry - I trust that you will be able to handle this alone. Also, I’m a bit busy now, but I’ll come in to follow up later.”

 Maki gulped and headed towards the door, metal tray and clipboard in hand. As a medical student, she recently started her housemanship in this public hospital. While she had been observing the full-fledged doctors do their work the past week or so, it was only recently when her senior started giving her real work to do, which was daunting, even for a high performing student like her.

 “Yazawa Nico-san,” Maki mumbled as she took a look at the clipboard while briskly walking down the corridor.

 Soon, Maki reached room 103. Taking a deep breath, she rapped the door a few times.

 “Yazawa-san, right?” Maki queried as she slid the door open. “I’m here to take your blood sample.”

 When she finally entered the room, her gaze immediately fell on the patient seated in front of the table - a petite young lady, fair-skinned and dark-haired.

_ “Wow, she’s kinda cute,” _ Maki thought, the observation passing through her mind fleetingly, before she shook it off and readied herself for work.

 “Ahh...another medical student taking a blood sample from me?” the twin-tailed lady drawled as Maki approached her. “You better not mess it up, Miss Redhead.”

_ “Rude.”  _ Maki’s impression of the patient took a 180 degree turn, but she still maintained her pleasant expression as she started to take out the syringe and alcohol swabs.

 “I’m going to draw your blood, please bear with me for a short while,” Maki mumbled, trying her best to prevent her voice from quivering as she wiped the swab on Nico’s underarm.

 Nico screwed her eyes shut, then she felt the pinprick. It was slightly longer than usual, but as long as Maki did not mess up, Nico was fine with it.

 

 “Ah shit, I missed the vein.”

 

* * *

 Two weeks had passed ever since Maki’s embarrassing botched attempt at drawing blood from Yazawa Nico. Maki did not just miss her vein once, but in fact failed to do so twice. Needless to say, Nico was fuming by the time she managed to successfully take a sample, and complained to her senior the moment she had stepped in. Maki was constantly plagued with flashbacks of that incident for days after it happened, but after the second week, she had almost forgotten about it.

 

 And then something else happened.

 

 It was just before her lunch break, and Maki was running down the corridor. Being the daughter of a private hospital’s director, Maki had visited the hospital often since young, and the instruction to not run along the hospital’s corridors had been drummed in her head repeatedly. However, in this instance, Maki felt justified breaking this rule - she had been extremely busy the entire morning and did not have the opportunity to take a break, so by the end of her morning shift, she desperately needed to use the bathroom.

 Maki soon approached a corner, right where the restrooms were situated at. She swung round the bend without slowing down, and all of a sudden, a twin-tailed female flashed in front of her.

 What ensued happened too fast for Maki to register, but she immediately felt the impact of her body hitting someone else’s, followed by crashing noises as things fell to the ground, and she eventually found herself splayed on the linoleum floor.

 

 “My iPod! Ahhh, my iPod isn’t working!” 

 Maki eased herself up, and glanced at the person she crashed into, who was frantically fiddling with an electronic gadget.

_ It was the same lady she took 3 attempts to draw blood from two weeks ago. _

 “Dammit, why is she here again,” Maki muttered to herself as she stood up, ready to make a dash for the restroom.

 “Stop right there, redhead!” Nico promptly grabbed Maki by the wrist. “You’re not getting away until you promise to compensate me for my broken iPod!”

_ What rotten luck she had today _ , she thought. Firstly, she met the patient that scolded her for her incompetence; secondly, she just broke the patient’s iPod; and thirdly, she had to pee badly and this patient was stopping her from doing so.

 Maki sighed in exasperation. “I won’t run away, okay. My name is Nishikino Maki, you can just tell any of the nurses or doctors here my name and they’ll find me, if you’re that worried about me getting away. Now will you please let go of me first so that I can go to the toilet?”

 

* * *

 After the incident at the corridor, Nico and Maki finally got together for lunch at the hospital food court to thrash things out.

 “Sorry I got a bit too carried away just now, it’s because the iPod contains some unreleased songs that I have been working on,” Nico spoke in a low voice.

 “It’s alright, I shouldn’t have run along the corridor in the first place,” Maki replied, twirling her hair awkwardly.

 “Y-you don’t need to pay for my iPod you know.”

 Maki waved her hand. “It’s a small sum, I can afford it. Anyway, as you were saying, you were working on songs?”

 Nico’s eyes immediately lit up at Maki’s question. “Of course, I am aspiring superstar idol Yazawa Nico-nii!”

 “You’re...an idol?” Maki looked at her quizzically. “Then why have I not seen you or heard of you before?”

 Nico sighed. “That’s because I’m part of an indie idol group, NicoRinPana. Our fanbase is small and we’re quite localised, which is why you almost never see us on TV or hear us on the radio. I’ve personally appeared in some midnight dramas, acting in supporting roles, and have also endorsed a few local brands though!”

 “...NicoRinPana?”

 “Oh, my two groupmates are called Rin and Hanayo, which explains our idol group name.”

 “Naming an idol group after yourselves? That’s tacky as hell,” Maki mumbled under her breath.

 “You said something, Nishikino-san?”

 “A-ah, nothing,” Maki’s face immediately reddened. “I mean...I’m interested to hear your songs.”

 “Wow really?” Nico almost jumped out from her seat. “Okay, I’ll bring you a signed copy of our latest album the next time I come! Give me your number so that I can contact you in the future.”

 “Oh, okay…” Maki keyed in her number in an overly eager Nico’s phone. She was planning to give Nico her number anyway - she promised to compensate Nico for her iPod in the first place.

 

 Soon, both girls finished their lunch, and Maki had to go back to work while Nico was going to leave the hospital compounds.

 “See you next time, Nishikino-san,” Nico waved before they went separate ways.

 “See you,” Maki replied.

 Maki was sort of relieved that Nico did not seem to remember the blood sample incident. Or at least, she did not find the need to bring it up.

 As Maki made her way back to the building she worked at, a thought suddenly hit her.

_ “...the next time I come”? _ Why did Yazawa Nico have to come to the hospital so often? Maki plowed through her recent memories, but could not recall much details about Nico’s visit when she took her blood sample.

 “Ah well, she’ll comes when she needs to.”

 

* * *

**_“Are you free for lunch today at 1230, Nishikino-san?”_ **

 Nico’s text came unexpectedly and relatively quickly - it had barely been 3 weeks since their last encounter.

**_“Yes, see you at the food court.”_ ** Maki replied.

 

 “Here you go, our latest album - ‘Listen to My Heart!’,” Nico placed a CD in Maki’s hands.

 “Oh, thanks. I’ll give it a listen when I get home,” Maki held the CD and examined the cover. Nico was in the middle, her fingers held up in an idol-like pose, while an orange-haired girl and brown-haired girl flanked her. Behind the CD was Nico’s signature, scribbled with a metallic marker.

 “This album was a sellout, I tell you!” Nico quipped enthusiastically. “Guess how many copies we sold on the first day?”

 “Give me a hint,” Maki responded, smirking.

 With a proud look on her face, Nico stuck out 5 fingers in front of Maki.

 “Fifty thousand?”

 “No,  **_five hundred_ ** ! Rin-chan, Hanayo-chan and Nico-nii were so overjoyed, we went out to celebrate that night!”

 Maki sniggered. “You call five hundred copies a sellout?”

 Nico’s beam instantly morphed into a frown. “What do you mean, huh? We’re  _ indie idols _ , do you think we can sell a million copies in one day like AKB48? Being an idol isn’t an easy job, okay, you better watch your words young woman!”

 Maki was taken aback at Nico’s unexpected outburst and started to become defensive. “When did I imply that your job was a piece of cake? I just commented that five hundred copies is not what I call a huge success!”

 “There, you just did! Five hundred copies is no easy feat for a small time idol group like ours!” Nico crossed her arms and brought her face near Maki’s.

 Both girls stared into each other’s eyes, tension building up between them.

 After a few moments, Nico finally sighed and shook her head. “Just listen to it, Maki-san.”

 

 That night, Maki downloaded the music onto her laptop and listened to the entire album. Most of the songs were catchy and cute, but they were mostly forgettable. Maybe it was because she was never into idol pop, preferring the mellow, refined tunes in classical music, she reasoned.

 It was not too bad though.

 

* * *

 “N-Nico-san, here’s your compensation,” Maki nonchalantly held out a brand new iPod, still unopened in the package. She was not used to giving gifts to others since she did not have that many friends. It was not exactly a gift, per se - she owed Nico this one after all.

 “Um, thanks.” Nico’s ‘thank you’ was as sincere as Maki’s offer.

 As they casually strolled in the hospital garden before Maki’s lunch break ended, Nico took a look at the box.

 “You bought me the newest model?” Nico piped up in surprise.

 “...why not?”

 “The iPod I was using was almost two years old! And this particular model - I heard that queues for it can last for up to two hours!”

 “Well, I did not actually queue for it...the chauffeur did…” Maki replied, twirling her hair around her finger again.

_ “My goodness, how rich is this girl? Not only did she buy this expensive iPod, but she also has a freaking  _ **_chauffeur_ ** _ ,”  _ Nico marvelled at Maki’s affluence.

 “A-anyway, just take it or leave it,” Maki stuttered, trying to hide her blush from Nico.

 “Of course I’m taking it,” Nico huffed, placing the box in her bag.

 

* * *

 For the next few weeks, every time Nico had a hospital appointment, she would meet up with Maki without fail. Maki did not mind - she was not exactly close to the other medical students and the doctors in the first place, so she was secretly grateful to be able to hang out with someone for lunch, despite constantly bickering with Nico. Also, Nico would sometimes let Maki listen to idol songs in her iPod, exposing Maki to “the amazing genre of idol pop”.

 

 As their friendship started to deepen, Nico even asked Maki out a couple of times.

 “Let’s go grab some crepes at Harajuku,” Nico would say, and after a few exchanges with Maki initially giving excuses, she would finally concede.

 

 “You don’t need to wear sunglasses and a face mask all the time, Nico-chan. You’re not that famous,” Maki once commented while they were walking down the streets of Harajuku.

 Nico flashed an incredulous look. “That’s what the amateur idols think! You’ll never know if the paparazzi is hiding in the bushes, or any of my fans are walking around the streets at this very moment. The last thing I want to happen to me is to be featured on the tabloids for accidentally flashing my panties or getting mauled by rabid fans!”

 “I don’t think that’s very likely…” Maki mumbled, bracing herself for Nico’s aggressive retort. To her surprise, Nico did not actually say anything. Perhaps Nico did not hear her.

 

* * *

 

 Nico came for yet another hospital appointment, and as usual, she asked Maki out for lunch.

 

 “Sorry Nico-chan, it was a busy morning and I got held up,” Maki ran towards Nico, who was seated on one of the benches in the garden, holding sandwiches.

 “Here you go, extra tomato as you requested,” Nico passed Maki her sandwich, and she immediately took a bite.

 “Hey Maki, I’m curious - why on earth did you choose to do all this?” Nico asked.

 “Do what?” Maki spoke, her voice muffled as her mouth was full of bread.

 “You know...going to medical school, training to be a doctor and that sort of thing. It’s hard work, right?”

 Maki swallowed. “Well, I didn’t exactly have much of a choice. My dad’s the director of a private hospital, and I’m the only child, so it’s natural that I eventually have to take over the reins.”

 Nico’s eyes widened and she let out a surprised laugh. “Don’t tell me...that swanky Nishikino Hospital...belongs to your family? Ha, no wonder you’re filthy rich!”

 Maki stared at her lap awkwardly - she did not particularly like revealing her family background to others, for it always elicited a reaction followed by fresh preconceptions about her.

 “Wait…” Nico continued, “If your dad owns the hospital, you must have been there a lot to observe the doctors in action. Then in that case, why do you suck so much at something as basic as drawing blood?!”

 Maki’s face instantly flushed when Nico brought up that embarrassing incident after what seemed like a long time since it happened.  _ So she remembered it after all. _

 “It was my first time doing it myself, okay! I can do it much better now!” The curls in Maki’s hair flopped as she defended herself agitatedly.

 “Woah, chill. I didn’t know you took it so personally,” Nico reeled back at Maki’s sudden outburst.

 Feeling slightly sheepish about offending Maki, Nico attempted to change the topic. “So...you said you did not have a choice for your career path. Does that mean you had other ambitions?”

 Maki bit her lip. “Sort of. When I was a young girl, I really enjoyed playing the piano, and I even took lessons all the way till high school. At one point I really wanted to be a professional pianist, but that dream seemed too far-fetched, and my dad would have been very disappointed if I did not inherit the hospital from him. Oh well, medicine isn’t all that bad, and I could always pursue a career in music when I retire from my medical career in the future.”

 Nico was unusually quiet as she listened intently to Maki’s words.

 “What about you, Nico-chan? What are your dreams?”

 “Since young, I always wanted to be a famous idol. Singing and dancing on stage, making thousands of people smile - the whole prospect almost seemed giddying. I even formed a school idol group with some friends back in high school, and even took part in Love Live!, a competition for school idols across the country. We did not win anything, but it was loads of fun. Those fond memories inspired me to form an idol group again, after a few years of freelance modelling and fashion designing.”

 At that point, Nico let out a wistful sigh. “Of course, we’re only an indie idol group, but it was a step closer to fulfilling my ultimate dream. Sadly, unlike you, Maki, I may never actually realise that dream.”

 “Why so?” Maki felt a shiver in her spine, for it was the first time she heard Nico speak with such a sombre tone.

 Nico looked up at Maki, her face dead serious.

 “I have final stage lymphoma, I may not live to see the end of this year.”


	2. Chapter 2

 “Wait, what?” Maki was momentarily stunned. Then it all began to click in her mind. Nico’s frequent hospital visits - if she had not been this ill, why would she have come back so often?

_  But she always seemed so cheerful and full of zest, unlike someone at the face of death. _

 “I still have a slim chance of recovering if my treatments are successful, but at this rate, the doctors say it’s highly unlikely.” Nico continued, knocking her knees together, articulating those words as if she was speaking of some trivial matter.

 “Then...what about your idol career?”

 “Since I have just started chemotherapy, I’ll be putting my idol activities on hold indefinitely. That’s why I was busy recording a few group and solo songs prior to this.”

 Maki sulked. She knew from the beginning that Nico had to be down with something debilitating if she had to keep visiting the hospital, but to finally find out what it was and realise Nico’s chances of survival were slim threw the otherwise cool-headed girl off.

 

 Since young, Maki had found it hard to make friends at school, especially so when she entered medical school. Her identity was made known to practically everyone, and she constantly felt judged and pressured by her peers just because she was an honour student and the future successor of Nishikino hospital. To her, it seemed like those who attempted to get close to her were only doing so to benefit from her intellect and connections rather than a genuine interest in friendship, while those who avoided her seemed to think that she was a rich, spoiled brat who bribed her way to medical school.

 Then she met Nico, one of the first persons she felt comfortable hanging out with, as if she could finally be herself with Nico. Of course, Nico occasionally made jabs at her with regards to her background, but above all that, Nico embraced her as an individual, and they could talk and quabble endlessly about almost anything.

 And then she had to find out that her newfound friend was possibly going to pass away by the end of the year.

 

 “Stop pulling a long face, Maki-chan!” Nico pinched Maki’s cheeks, pulling the sides of her mouth upwards. “Nico-nii’s job is to make people smile, not frown! Now let me turn that sad face into a smiling one. Nico-nico-nii! Nico-nico-nii!”

 “Quit doing it here, it’s embarrassing,” Maki giggled and lowered Nico’s hands, in which she was doing her distinctive “nico-nico-nii” pose with.

 “Ah, you’re smiling now!” Nico laughed. “Even to someone as cool as Maki-chan, Nico-nii’s charm is irresistible~”

 

* * *

 Ever since Nico broke the news to Maki, neither of them felt compelled to end their friendship that had just started to blossom. In fact, their relationship actually deepened, as Nico chatted with Maki on the phone more often and even went on dates with her more frequently. Nico’s carefree demeanour and over-the-topness always brought cheer to Maki (although she did not express it outwardly all the time), almost making Maki forget that Nico was, well,  _ sick _ .

 

 Maki and Nico were strolling in the mall, when Nico abruptly stopped in her tracks right in front of the supermarket.

 “Hey, Maki, do you mind following me in?” Nico asked.

 “The supermarket? Why?”

 “You’ll never know what kind of limited offers they have right now! C’mon, let’s go!” Nico grabbed Maki by the wrist and pulled her into the supermarket with her.

 

 “That’s an awful lot of apples you’re buying,” Maki commented as she noticed Nico stuffing a plastic bag with easily a dozen apples.

 “They’re on sale,” Nico replied. “And with three growing siblings, there’s no such thing as too much food.”

 “You have siblings?!” This was the first time Nico talked about her family.

 “Yeah, two sisters and a brother. I’m the oldest.”

 “Wow...it must be pretty lively at home…” Maki added, trailing off after realising Nico was not listening to her.

 “Ahh, I’m the worst eldest sister, aren’t I? Not only can I no longer help to provide for my siblings, but I’ll be spending so much money on hospital bills as well… And they’re still so young, even Cocoro is still in high school…” Nico mumbled to herself.

_ Oh. _

 “Oops, sorry Maki, I was talking to myself,” Nico immediately caught herself in the act. “You weren’t actually listening to me right?”

 

 Maki had heard every single word that Nico had said.

 

 As much as Maki was fond of Nico, she also hated that side of her. Putting on a persona and being all smiles, masking her insecurities and weaknesses - it frustrated Maki. It frustrated her because she could not wrap her head around it, yet she wanted so desperately to help Nico. Born with a silver spoon her mouth, Maki never had to worry about finances or looking out for other siblings. And here with Nico, not only did she have to help supplement the family’s income to provide for all her siblings, but also take care of their needs as an older sister, and on top of all of that, she had her hospital treatments to worry about. Looking at all these in perspective, Maki’s concerns as the only daughter from a prestigious family seemed so trivial and insignificant.

 Ever since that day, Maki felt compelled to help Nico, even if Nico didn’t express any desire for her to do so.

 

* * *

 After one of her checkups, Nico went to drop by the building Maki was working at just to say hi. To her surprise, Maki came to her carrying a bag of fruits.

 “For you and your siblings.” Maki handed the bag to Nico in a seemingly insincere fashion.

 “Why?” Nico was taken aback at Maki’s sudden gesture. For the short time she knew her, Maki was not one to give gifts or show signs of affection.

 “I-it’s not for anything special, I...I just happened to have some fruits leftover from home!” Maki started to feel her face turn warm in embarrassment.

 “Oh.” Nico nodded, still a tad suspicious of Maki’s intentions, then looked into the bag.

 “Leftover fruits?! These are high quality strawberries that cost almost 400 yen a piece!” Nico’s eyes widened in shock as she exclaimed. “And they’re still in their original packages!”

 “Don’t think about it too much and just take it okay?” Maki retorted.

 “Fine,” Nico mumbled. “I just didn’t see that sort of thing coming from you, Maki.”

 

 Then the gift giving continued. It started out relatively simple, such as small food items and novelties for Nico and her siblings, then it grew in value, as Maki began to offer to pay for Nico’s meals or her shopping whenever they went out together.

 “You don’t need to keep doing this, you know, Maki. You don’t even know my siblings very well.” Nico insisted as Maki looked for a tablet for Nico’s siblings after finding out they have been using the same one for 3 years.

 “Why not? We’re friends anyway,” Maki replied as she casually tested out the features of a display model in the electronics shop.

 “But we’re not that close, aren’t we? We’ve barely known each other for 2 months…”

 “Nico-chan is a very important friend to me, which is why I want to do all this.” Maki said firmly, her fingers tightening their grip around the tablet.

 “Oh..okay…” Nico quietened down upon realising she had struck a raw nerve. Only recently did she discover that despite her status, Maki was far from popular, and she herself was by far the closest friend Maki had in recent years.

 

* * *

 Despite feeling guilty about accepting Maki’s extravagant gifts, Nico closed one the entire time, thinking that Maki was not used to this friendship thing and assumed that the best way to maintain a good relationship was by monetary means.

 Then that incident happened, and Nico decided it was the final straw.

 

 On one of Nico’s free days, she went ‘undercover’ (in other words, donning a conspicuous pair of shades and a face mask) and visited one of the most highly frequented music stores in town. Although Nico had recently quit her idol activities, she was still an idol at heart and wanted to find out how physical sales of her latest CD was doing. It was a habit of hers ever since her debut with NicoRinPana, and the store’s assistants practically knew her and recognised her whenever she dropped by for a visit.

 “Yazawa-san! It’s a surprise to see you even though you recently stopped your activities. How’s your treatment going?” One of the chirpy store assistants instantly recognised Nico’s petite twin tailed figure and greeted her when she passed by.

 “It’s terrible, but I don’t have a choice,” Nico replied, looking around the store shiftily just in case there were fans that spotted her. “Anyway, Minami-san, how are the sales for my solo mini-album like these few days?”

 “It’s not too bad, I would say,” Minami responded contemplatively. “Ah, but I remembered two days ago, there was a girl who bought all the CDs off the shelf.”

 Nico stiffened in astonishment. “Are you serious? Was this a Nico-nii superfan or something?”

 “I don’t know, but she had wavy red hair and seemed to be slightly younger than you. She was quite good-looking, and had the aura of a refined young lady.”

 “Ahhhh! I think I know who it is!” Nico suddenly jumped, which startled Minami a little.

 

* * *

 “Nico-chan, why are you calling me at this hour? I just came back home from my shift and I’m dead tired,” Maki grumbled as she rolled over in bed, her mobile phone plastered to her face.

 “Please explain why you bought every copy of Nico-nii’s mini solo album from Printemps CD shop last week!” Nico bellowed, her loud voice piercing Maki’s eardrums.

 “How did you know it was me?!” Maki exclaimed in bewilderment, only to immediately clap her hand over her mouth as she realised her covert operation was exposed.

 “I have my own ways,” Nico muttered, clearing her throat. “But  _ anyway _ , why are you doing all this to me?”

 “Doing what?”

 “Buying things for me and my siblings, paying for my expenses, mass buying my albums...what are you trying to imply? That I am unable to sufficiently provide for my family?”

 “I...was just trying to help… Like, since you’re unwell and all...”

**“I don’t need your pity!”**

 Nico’s voice stung Maki like hot acid, and before she could react, the line got disconnected.

 Maki’s arm slumped and she rolled into a downwards-facing position in bed. She only meant well by doing all these gestures for Nico, and could not comprehend why Nico was so offended. 

 

 She tried to wrap her mind around it, but the more she thought, the more sleepy she became, her mind hazed with lethargy after a gruelling hospital shift. Eventually, Maki succumbed to her tiredness and fell asleep.

 

 The next day, Maki woke up, Nico’s words still ringing in her ears. As she washed up and got ready for breakfast, she continued pondering about it, digging deep into the recesses of her mind. 

 It then dawned upon her. Despite being very different people, she and Nico shared some common traits - both of them were stubborn, proud and refused to show their weaknesses. In Nico’s case, providing for her family financially was a worry of hers, and thus it was a sensitive issue to her. By deliberately trying to help Nico through monetary means, Maki seemed to send the message to Nico that she was an incompetent older sister and a burden to the family. Furthermore, Maki’s affluence compounded the shame Nico felt, making it seem like she was looking down on Nico.

 Maki had to apologise.

 

* * *

 The weekend came, and Maki asked Nico out for lunch.

 

 “I’m sorry...for last week.” Maki eventually forced out, her head giddy and her heart throbbing furiously as she finally mustered the courage to say those words.

 “I should be the one apologising, I shouldn’t have shouted at you over the phone,” Nico replied in a soft voice. “You meant well after all.”

 “But I was being insensitive by doing all this…” Maki mumbled.

 “I understand you’re trying to support me as a friend, but I can manage my own matters by myself.”

 Maki bit her lip. “It never occurred to me before, but now I understand, Nico-chan.”

 Nico smiled. It was not one of those winsome, idol-like smiles, but a genuine smile coming from her heart.

 

 Then Maki noticed something was different with Nico.

 “Why aren’t you in twintails today?”

 Nico’s smile disappeared. “My hair has been falling quite a lot recently, and every time I tie my hair and remove the hair ties, my hair would fall off in bunches. So I decided to ditch the twintails altogether.

 

_ Oh. _

 

 Maki observed Nico closely once again. She looked extra mature with her straight, black hair let down, but on top of that, Nico had lost a considerable amount of weight from the time they first met, and her dark, sunken eyebags were visible.

 Nico, who had a personality way larger than her size, at that moment, she just looked so fragile, so vulnerable, so tiny, she could slip through the cracks between Maki’s fingers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit late but yeah chapter 3 is out!

 Things did not get better.

 

 The chemotherapy sessions took a toll on Nico. Every time Maki met Nico at the hospital, she always looked so drained and lethargic, as if she were just a shell of her usual self. Nico also did not have the energy to hang out with Maki as much, often turning down her requests and leaving early whenever they actually went out.

 

 On Maki’s side, the situation was not much better. From the beginning, she never actually hung out with the other medical students interning at the hospital, and when she began sticking around with Nico, it set tongues wagging.

 “Why is Nishikino-san hanging out with that girl? She clearly looks like a patient.”

 “You’re allowed to befriend patients?”

 “Why a patient of all people? Are we not good enough in her eyes?”

 “How silly of her to befriend a patient! And she has some terminal illness, apparently?”

 Maki tried to ignore the gossip, but she could not help but feel indignant and saddened at the same time by their comments. Nico was someone she could trust, someone whom she could talk to, someone that would listen to her, and it did not matter how they met.

 

* * *

 Maki managed to get Nico to go out for lunch with her on Sunday. As Maki worked on her hamburger steak, Nico listlessly poked and prodded her kid’s meal.

 “You’re not eating anymore?” Maki asked.

 “I’m full,” Nico replied, although she barely touched her petit spaghetti.

 Maki did not push any further, despite being worried about Nico’s declining weight.

 

 “When’s your next chemotherapy session?” Maki felt compelled to change the topic of their conversation, albeit to a more depressing one.

 “I stopped.”

 “Why? How are you going to get better if you don’t continue your treatment?”

 Nico sighed. “It’s not helping, Maki. I’m just getting worse and worse. Since each session is so expensive, after discussing with the oncologist, we decided to stop chemotherapy.”

 

 Silence. Then a ‘clink’ as Maki dropped her fork onto her plate.

 

 “That means...there’s no hope…?”

 “The doctors are still trying to explore other options, but yeah, we have to prepare for the worst.”

 

 The way Nico shrugged in resignation as she uttered those words pained Maki, as if daggers shot through her heart. At that moment, Maki just wanted to stand up, take Nico by the shoulders and shake her violently, as if doing so could shake the cancer out of her body.

 But they were in a family restaurant, Maki was a 25-year-old adult, and she knew that doing all this could not change reality.

 

 Her fellow interns were right - she was stupid to have befriended a patient with terminal cancer.

 

* * *

**_“So...where do you want to go tomorrow?”_ ** Maki texted Nico. Tomorrow was one of Maki’s off days, and as usual, she sought to spend it with Nico.

**_“Wanna go watch a movie?”_ ** Nico inquired.

**_“Nah, there aren’t any good ones in the theatres right now.”_ **

**_“What about shopping?”_ **

**_“Didn’t we just go shopping the last time?”_ **

**_“(._.);; What about going to your house?”_ **

_  Her house? _ Maki never actually brought Nico to her house, as a matter of fact. She thought about it for a moment. Her parents were out of town and there was not any scheduled maintenance on that day - okay, Nico could come over to her house.

 

 “Woah, your house is luxurious!” Nico exclaimed as she stepped into the Nishikino residence, wide-eyed with wonder.

 “It’s not too bad...I guess…” Maki was a tad embarrassed as Nico expressed her amazement while they made their way across the living room.

 “Are we going to your bedroom, Maki?” Nico asked as Maki led her into one of the rooms.

 Maki shook her head. “No, my bedroom is upstairs. This is the piano room.”

 Maki opened the door to reveal a spacious room with a grand piano in the middle of it. The polished surface of the grand piano glinted in the sunlight filtering through from the windows, an indication of how well-maintained it was. At the side of the room stood a glass cabinet with books filled with works from various classical and romantic era music composers, as well as the odd baroque and jazz compilations.

 “Would you like me to play you a song?” Maki lifted the cover of the piano and removed the cloth, revealing gleaming ivory keys.

 “Sure!” Nico plopped herself next to Maki on the piano seat.

 Maki proceeded to play an etude by Chopin, her deft fingers manoeuvring effortlessly between the black and white keys. Nico listened and watched intently, amazed by Maki’s raw skill. However, as Maki moved on to another etude, she could sense Nico’s attention starting to falter - she had no interest in classical pieces in the first place.

 “How about I play you something familiar?” Maki straightened and proceeded to warm up with a few chords.

 In a moment, Maki belted out a crisp, lively tune on the piano and Nico’s eyes instantly lighted up.

 “It’s my single, Mahoutsukai Hajimemashita!” Nico piped up. “I can’t believe you actually taught yourself how to play it!”

 “I have been listening to your album a lot after buying all the copies off the shelf, so I thought I might as well learn how to play one of your songs,” Maki giggled shyly.

 As Maki reached the chorus, Nico started singing along, and just like that, in the solitude of Maki’s piano room, a pianist and an idol performed an impromptu duet.

 

 “You’re really good at the piano, Maki!” Nico commented as Maki stood up to take a breather after playing for some time.

 “I’ve been playing for 20 years already, of course I’m good at it,” Maki replied smugly, tucking a tuft of hair behind her ear.

 “Lucky you,” Nico sighed wistfully. “I’ve always wanted to learn how to play an instrument but never got the opportunity to do so.”

 “Do you want me to teach you how to play the piano?” Maki smiled, leaning against the side of the piano. “I can show you how to play a few chords and simple melodies from your song.”

 “Sure thing!” Nico adjusted the piano seat, pulling herself closer.

 

 Standing next to Nico, Maki taught Nico the fingerings for some simple chords, as well as some short phrases, which Maki first played and Nico imitated. Nico was a fast learner, having a natural flair for music, and both of them enjoyed themselves thoroughly.

 Being caught up in the music, unbeknownst to her, Maki had been leaning closer and closer to Nico, their faces practically next to each other.

 “Maki, is this fingering right?” Nico turned her head towards Maki, not knowing that Maki’s face was just  _ that _ close to hers.

 In that instant, their noses brushed together, and they found their gaze transfixed upon each other’s.

 “Oh, sorry,” Maki immediately reeled back. “C-could you play that again and let me see?”

_ What was this feeling? _ Maki felt the tightening of her chest the moment their faces touched, and her heart was still racing and her mind far from composed even after they separated.

 This was the first time Maki was this close to Nico, and the first time she ever felt that way towards her.

 

 It was time for Nico to leave, and Maki walked her out to the bus stop.

 “Thank you for inviting me over,” Nico looked at Maki.

 “You’re welcome,” Maki replied. “It was fun having you here.”

 “Of course!” Nico grinned smugly. “Super idol Nico-nii graces any house she steps into!”

 “That’s gross,” Maki gagged in jest. “But anyway, you can come any time you want.”

_ A brief moment of silence. _

 “Maki, the reason I wanted to come to your house today was because I was afraid that if I delayed any longer, I would not have the opportunity to do so.”

 “W-what...do you mean?”

All of a sudden, Maki felt a sense of uneasiness in the pits of her stomach.  _ Oh god, no. _

 “I’ll be admitted in hospital very soon.”

 “Oh. Okay.” Maki managed.  _ What else was she supposed to say? _

 “Ah, my bus is here, see you later!” Nico hastily bid Maki goodbye and boarded the bus. She probably did not hear what Maki had said again.

 

_ Oh well. _

 

* * *

 Work temporarily became more hectic for Maki as one of the medical interns came down with a serious bout of flu, and Maki did not have time to go out on her own or with Nico. Amidst her busy schedule, Maki still occasionally thought about Nico, wondering if she was well and doing fine. She did remember Nico telling her about her hospital admission that day, but she never talked about it again, so it sort of got pushed to the back of Maki’s mind.

 

 Then came a day where Maki had to go into one of the wards to help the nurse with some routine check-ups.

 “We’ll be going to room 252 to check on the patients in there,” the nurse told Maki as they walked down the hallway.

 Soon, they reached room 252. It had a few beds partitioned by curtains, but not all of the beds were filled. At the end of the room was a window, in which there was a female patient standing next to it. Upon hearing the door open, the female patient spun around.

 

_ It was Nico. _

 

 “Oh, Maki! What a coincidence. You’re coming to check on me today?” Nico smiled wanly when their eyes met.

 

_ So Nico was finally admitted into the terminal ward. _

 

 “Now that I’m staying here, I guess we can see each other more often, Maki?”

 

_ No, this can’t be. _

 

 “I should go back to my bed first~” Nico whistled as she did a half-skip back to her bed. Even at this point in her illness, she was still so perky.

 Maki stood rooted to the ground as she watched Nico’s gaunt figure skip across the room, her thin, airy hospital clothes floating behind her. 

 

 It was then when it all started to sink in for Maki. Nico was now staying in the terminal ward in the hospital, the ward where patients with terminal cancer spend their last days in. There was no hope for Nico. She was going to disappear from Maki’s life very soon.

 The Nico whose obnoxious personality annoyed and amused Maki at the same time, the Nico that never failed to make Maki outwardly groan and inwardly laugh at her cringiness, the Nico who was one of the only persons that Maki genuinely opened up to and cared for - Maki loved everything about her, and in a matter of months, this was all going to fade away.

 

 “Nishikino-san? Are you okay?” The nurse gently touched Maki on the shoulder after noticing that she was in a daze.

 “...the toilet…” Maki muttered, “...please excuse me…”

 

 With hasty footsteps, Maki shuffled out of the ward, into the nearest restroom. There, she bolted into the last cubicle and slammed the door shut.

 

 In the privacy of the restroom cubicle, Maki released her pent up emotions and bawled her eyes out.

 She bawled because she had gotten herself into this mess of befriending Nico, a patient with terminal cancer and even worse, she had already sunk too deep into the relationship. She bawled because she could not stand seeing the life drain out of Nico day by day. She bawled because she hated how Nico was still putting up a strong front because she was a stubborn ass. She bawled because she was so emotionally invested in this stupid former idol whom no one outside Akihabara knew.

 Before she had even realised it, Maki had fallen in love with Nico.

_ But she could never be with her. Not for long. _

 

 Maki gasped for air, each breath sharp and painful as her chest heaved every time she took in a breath. Her eyes had become swollen and puffy and she could barely utter a sound after all that crying. She was staying in the cubicle for way too long, and it was about time she came out to continue with her work.

Maki emerged from the cubicle and approached the washbasins, looking at herself in her mirror, bloodshot eyes, sticky tear-streaked cheeks and all. She turned on the tap and splashed her face with cold water, allowing herself to calm down and reach a stable mental state. Maki had to eventually come to terms the hard truth, to accept that death was the inevitable final destination for all patients. As an aspiring doctor and a friend of someone with terminal cancer, she had no choice but to put on a strong front.

  
 She could not allow herself to show her weak side to Nico.


	4. Chapter 4

 Ever since her emotional breakdown earlier that day, Maki avoided unnecessary social contact, especially with Nico. Being a medical student, she knew exactly how painful the last months of a terminal cancer patient can be, especially during the weeks leading up to their death. She deliberately avoided room 252 at the terminal ward, unable to bring herself to see Nico writhe and struggle or take in doses of morphine to cope with the pain. As much as it hurt Maki to be separated from Nico, it pained her even more to see the person she so loved to be suffering from an incurable disease.

 

 But Maki could only avoid Nico for so much, and they eventually met in the hospital garden a week later.

 

 “You’re terrible, Maki! I thought we could see each other more often now that I’m staying here, but you keep avoiding me!” Nico whined the moment she caught hold of Maki.

 “I-I’m busy! I can’t just stay at the terminal ward all day!” Maki retorted.

 Nico sulked. “You don’t want to be around me anymore, do you?”

 “Wha-”

 “I’m sickly and totally not cute right now, unlike how I was when we first met, of course you won’t want to hang around with me nowadays…”

 “No.” Maki cut Nico off, her voice firm.

 

 Immediately, Maki caught Nico’s frail body in an embrace.

 “You’re wrong, Nico-chan! I still care for you just as always, but I’ve been avoiding you because seeing you like this makes me feel terrible.”

 “Maki…”

 Nico could hear faint whimpering from Maki as she tightened her grip.

 “I told myself to be strong for your sake...but I can’t…” Maki muttered between sobs, burying her face in Nico’s shoulders and dampening her clothes with her tears.

 “It’s okay to cry and be vulnerable for a bit, Maki,” Nico reassured her soothingly, gently patting her on her back as Maki continued to sob into her shoulder.

 “It’s so painful, Nico-chan,” Maki continued, “to fall in love with you but never have a chance to date you as a girlfriend because you’re not going to live for much longer.”

 

 Without any planning or premonition, Maki had confessed her feelings to Nico.

 

 “Oh I mean um-”

 “You’ve only realised now?” Nico half-giggled, running her fingers through Maki’s wavy red hair.

 “What do you mean?”

 “Our relationship with each other - hasn’t it always been more than just friends?”

 Maki gazed into Nico’s eyes, which were also brimming with tears.

 “But Nico-chan…” Maki blubbered, “what difference does this make? Whether we’re just friends or in a romantic relationship… We won’t have a chance to date and develop our relationship.”

 Nico slid her hands onto Maki’s slender arms and gripped them firmly.

 “Even if it’s for a few months, or a few weeks, or even a few days, having Maki-chan as my girlfriend brings me great joy and happiness.”

 

 Nico’s tender smile as she said those words touched Maki’s heart, a warmth welling up in her chest. That’s right, even if the days she had with Nico were numbered, she was going to treasure every single one of them as her romantic partner.

 

* * *

 Maki dropped by Nico’s ward one afternoon to find a couple of flower bouquets and tin foil balloons around her bed. Curious, she went closer to examine them.

 “My former manager came down yesterday to deliver these - my fans sent these to the talent agency’s office as well wishes,” Nico sat up and spoke when she noticed Maki looking at the gifts. “I’m touched, really, to know that Nico-nii’s fans still think about her even after her graduation from the idol scene~”

 “Yup, they’re nice, aren’t they?” Maki commented as she turned around to face Nico. There, on her bed, Nico sat with her legs drawn up to her chest, a wistful look in her eyes, as if she were reminiscing her glory days as an idol.

 

 “Do you miss being an idol, Nico-chan?” Maki asked.

 Nico let out a quiet sigh. 

 “Truth be told, yes I do. It’s a tough job, singing and dancing at the same time during performances, coping with a schedule packed with photoshoots and recordings and concerts, maintaining my public image, and furthermore as an indie idol, the returns in terms of record sales and the size of our fan base isn’t spectacular. But you know, whenever I see my fans cheer for us enthusiastically during our concerts, or receive fan letters and social media messages about how we have touched their hearts by our songs, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside and I think ‘ah, I have made a difference in someone else’s life’. That sense of satisfaction - it’s what I miss the most.”

 Maki felt a tinge of pain inside as she heard Nico’s heartfelt words. Nico loved being an idol so much, yet fate decided to cut her career short.

 “But not being an idol has its upsides as well. For example, I actually can date anyone I like now!” Nico immediately brightened her tone of voice, seeming to notice Maki’s sullen face. “And dating a smart and pretty girl like Maki is a big bonus for me!”

_ Right, Maki should not be bringing in anymore negativity into this relationship. _

 “You sure are optimistic, aren’t you, Nico-chan?” Maki smiled. “Although I’m not sure if you consider us dating since we had never actually left this place ever since we’ve formally started ‘dating’.”

 “Then why not we go out on a date sometime?” Nico suggested.

 Maki suddenly became concerned. “But will the doctors be okay about it? Will  **_you_ ** be okay?”

 Nico shrugged. “I’m still alive and kicking, of course I can manage going on a day out with you.”

 “But are you sure?” Maki insisted, starting to tick. “Just the other day I heard you retching in the bathr-”

 Maki stopped herself the moment she realised what she had blurted out, but it was too late.  _ No more negativity _ , she kept reminding herself again and again, but she just did not have the strength to fight her subconscious.

 “So you actually heard it…” Nico’s voice lowered.

 “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to let you know…”

 Nico smiled reassuringly. “It’s okay, we both know what I’m going through, let’s just stop hiding things like these from each other and face it together.”

 Maki bit her lip, repressing her emotions yet again. Although Nico was becoming frailer and frailer, she possessed this mettle that she seldom saw other patients have, being so calm and collected in the face of death.

 “That’s true,” Maki nodded, her voice cracking a little. “I’ll try to make time so that we can go on a date one day.”

 

* * *

 It was easier said than done. Maki’s schedule was always packed, and her shift hours were often than not very odd. Whenever Maki did have time on her hands, either Nico had someone visiting or Maki was too tired to do anything

 Unfortunately, time was not on their hands. As the days passed and they delayed their date repeatedly, Nico grew weaker by the day. She was often plagued with fatigue as she was unable to fall asleep comfortably, and on some days, even walking around the room wore her out.

 

 “I’m sorry, Nico-chan,” Maki apologised yet again when another planned date did not come to fruition.

 “It’s alright, I know you’re busy,” Nico whispered, feeling a tad breathless.

 Maki frowned. The Nico a few months ago would have retorted her and said something along the lines of ‘if super idol Nico-nii could free up the schedule, why can’t you’, but now she was just so passive and docile. It wasn’t... _ fun _ .

 “But you’re running out of time. Very soon you may not have the strength to leave your room and even your bed.”

 “Don’t worry about me,” Nico laid a thin hand on Maki. “I will hold out till the day we finally get to go on a date. Seeing you at the hospital everyday gives me strength anyway.”

 Maki clasped Nico’s hand, enveloping it with her warmth. “Well, if you say so. What about next Saturday then? I’ll try my best to make it on that day.”

 Nico chuckled softly. “Next Saturday it is. It’s a promise.”

 

 Upon saying that, Nico leaned over and gave Maki a brief peck on the lips.

 

 “Now that we’ve sealed the promise with a kiss, there’s no going back on your word!” Nico winked as Maki reeled back from the shock.

 “O...okay…” Maki’s face flushed in embarrassment, and she quickly turned her head away from Nico.

_ Oh my god that was my first kiss she kissed me it was my first time oh my god- _

 “I’ll...make a move first...N-Nico-chan…”

 Maki promptly stood up and stumbled out of the ward, knocking her heel against one of the tables on her way out.

 

* * *

 Saturday arrived. As promised, Maki ensured she had nothing going on that day. Just before she left the house, she dropped a quick message to Nico, checking if she was available.

 

**_“I’m feeling much better today! I checked with the nurses and they said it was okay for me go out for the day, so we can finally go on our date~”_ **

 

 Maki grinned in excitement. Although she had gone on multiple dates with Nico prior to her hospitalisation, this was their first date in a long time, and also their first date as girlfriends. As excited as she was, she also hoped that Nico would be strong enough to last the entire day outside the hospital.

 

 “Makiiiiii!” Nico waved excitedly the moment Maki stepped into the ward.

 Gone was Nico’s plain-looking hospital gown and her thin cardigan that she often wore over it. Instead, she was decked out in a fashionable outer coat and a frilly mini-skirt, complete with furry moccasins and a cute woolen beanie.

 “How do I look?” Nico hopped off her bed and did a little twirl in front of Maki. Although she was a 27-year-old adult, she still had the trappings of a young teenage girl.

 “You’re...very cute,” Maki replied shyly, twirling a tuft of hair around her fingers

 “Well, we have no time to waste. Let’s go!”

 Nico linked an arm around Maki and led her out of the hospital room.

 

 As the two girls made their way out of the building, Maki could not help but feel excitement and anticipation brimming inside her. Never had she fathomed that a socially inept girl like her would fall in love and date someone romantically, but she finally had a chance to do so.

  
 Too bad it could be her first and last time with Nico.


	5. Chapter 5

 Maki and Nico rode the train from the hospital to Otonokizaka Zoo. Maki had suggested taking the car at first, since she did not want to tire Nico out with too much walking, but Nico turned her offer down, saying the presence of a chauffeur would ruin the romantic mood of the date. Besides, they could always call him anytime if they really needed a lift, Nico suggested.

 Maki turned to look at Nico, who was sitting next to her. Her petite frame wrapped up in a beanie and a slightly oversized overcoat made her look especially adorable, and Maki could not help but blush at how cute she looked.

 “Is there something on my face?” Nico inquired, noticing that Maki was looking at her more intently than usual.

 “N-nothing…” Maki stuttered, “You’re just...kind of cute today.”

 Nico giggled. “Maki’s starting to become more open lately!”

 “N-not really, I said you were  _ kind of _ cute, don’t get too cocky!” Maki’s defensiveness instinctively kicked in again.

 

* * *

 The zoo was crowded as expected on a Saturday weekend, but Maki and Nico had fun nonetheless, taking pictures of the animals and laughing at their antics. As a child, Maki had visited the zoo with her parents several times, but doing so with Nico was a completely different experience. Visiting the zoo with her parents was a tame affair with them bringing Maki wherever she wanted to go. However, with Nico, there was a lot of pulling each other by the hand and bickering about which animals to visit next. It was a very enjoyable experience, in Maki’s opinion, and she relished having the opportunity to hold Nico’s and and have Nico lean on her shoulder as they walked in the cool autumn breeze.

 

 “Ahh, that was fun!” Nico commented as they sat down for a quick lunch. “Going to the zoo with my siblings is usually a headache for me since they’re always running around, but hanging out just with you was a lot more relaxing and enjoyable!”

 “I’m amazed you find all our petty arguing relaxing,” Maki muttered under her breath.

 “You said something?”

 “Um, I was wondering, uh, where do you want to go next?”

 Nico’s reply was almost instant. “Let’s go to the mall and grab some sweets and desserts! Hospital food is bland and nasty, I’m so sick of it.”

 

 So Nico and Maki headed to the mall. Crepes, sundaes, frappes - Nico tried them all, and poor Maki had to follow her around and help her finish her portions.

 “I definitely need to go on a diet after this,” Maki grumbled while digging into a slice of strawberry shortcake.

 “Don’t think about such things when you’re enjoying good food, it just ruins the taste.”

 “I’m surprised at your appetite though, I thought you can’t eat much nowadays…”

 “Sweet foods are an exception!” Nico quipped. “Nico has a sweet tooth that matches her sweet personality!”

 “Yeah, yeah,” Maki rolled her eyes. “That’s because you’re number one idol Yazawa Nico.”

 “You’re finally getting my drift!” Nico smirked and briefly hugged Maki.

 

* * *

 Maki and Nico strolled along the shopping district until it began to turn dark, and Maki noticed that Nico was starting to look paler and slowed her pace down. It was indeed getting colder, and it was a long day for the both of them - of course Nico was exhausted.

 “Are you feeling cold?” Maki’s voice had a touch of concern as she realised Nico’s lips were a shade of purple.

 “Sort of…” Nico shivered, her teeth clattering as she said those words. “But I still...want to spend time with you, Maki…”

 Maki unwrapped her scarf and bundled it around Nico, and pressed her body against Nico’s to keep her warm. “What about we go to my house for dinner? Then we can sit down and warm up a bit.”

 “That’s...a great idea...,” Nico managed, and the both of them shuffled to the train station.

 

 Both girls enjoyed a simple homecooked dinner prepared by the Nishikino family’s cook. It so happened that Maki’s parents went for a short vacation, leaving the two girls on their own in the dining room.

 “Is it always like this?” Nico asked. “Eating by yourself?”

 “Sort of,” Maki sighed. “Right now my parents are out of town, but most of the time they’re either working late or attending some functions, or my shift ends at a very odd hour. It’s only been a thing for the past few years, we still ate together once in a while before I entered medical school.”

 “Do you ever feel lonely?”

 Maki looked up at Nico and smiled. “I used to be, but ever since I’ve met you, I no longer am.”

 

 At that moment, Nico dropped her spoon and embraced Maki, rubbing her face against her.

 “Aww Maki-chan, you’re such a sweet child, I love you so much!”

 “Quit it, Nico-chan! Not when I’m drinking soup!”

 

* * *

 After they had finished their dinner, the both of them headed to Maki’s bedroom to rest and spend some time together. Maki closed the door and put on one of her favourite classical CD albums, allowing the soothing music to fill the room.

 “Your bed is so big and comfy!” Nico plopped herself onto the bed, spreading out her arms and legs like a starfish. “Being in a rich family sure has its perks sometimes.”

 “Go ahead and relax as much as you want,” Maki sat down on the bed next to Nico.

 For the next few moments, Maki and Nico stayed in their positions, listening to the gentle running notes of the classical piece and soaking in the warmth of the heater.

 

 Then it got  _ too _ warm for Nico’s liking. She was wearing a sweater over her inner blouse when she entered Maki’s house, but now that the room was warm enough, Nico did not need the sweater.

 “Don’t mind me while I remove my sweater.” Nico sat up and attempted to pull her sweater over her head. Since her sweater happened to be particularly fitting, coupled with the dry air causing her blouse to cling onto the sweater’s fabric, as Nico pulled up her sweater, part of her blouse rode up as well, exposing her stomach and a bit of her bra.

 

 All this happened in full view of Maki, whose breath hitched the moment she laid her eyes on Nico’s bare skin.  _ What was this feeling? _

 The rush of blood in her head and the tightening of her chest failed to allow Maki to realise that she was staring intently at Nico’s abdomen.

 

 “Maki…” Nico uttered, noticing Maki’s crimson cheeks as her eyes were fixated on her.

 “Oh I’m sorry for staring-”

 

 What ensued happened so fast, Maki did not have time to register, but the next she knew, Nico’s lips were pressed firmly against hers. A shiver travelled down Maki’s spine as she felt the tip of Nico’s tongue clumsily work its way in the cavity of her mouth, her body tensing as Nico ran her fingers through her thick wavy hair, pulling gently as she did so. 

 As the kisses continued, Maki slowly felt the tension melt away, her arms wrapping around Nico’s slender body. Maki inhaled sharply as Nico worked her way down Maki’s neck, planting gentle kisses. Every touch from Nico was almost electric, flooding Maki with a sensation she had never once experienced - the yearning for intimacy with Nico.

 Gradually, Maki felt her hands gravitate towards Nico’s waist, as they slid inside her blouse, making their way up her torso. Nico’s skin was unbelievably smooth and warm, and the way Nico shuddered in response to her touch made Maki’s breath hitch.

 Just as Maki was about to reach for Nico’s bra, she felt a sudden nudge from Nico.

 

 “Maki...sorry...but we shouldn’t do this…” Nico dipped her head, a tinge of regret in her voice.

 “But why not…?”

 “We’re going way too fast,” Nico sighed. “I’m not ready to move on to the next stage of our relationship.”

 “But don’t you want this, Nico-chan?” Maki’s voice cracked, tears starting to cloud her eyes. “You were so into it just now…”

 Nico shook her head and said nothing.

 “We don’t have much time, Nico-chan,” Maki took hold of her hands, a single tear starting to roll down her cheek. “We’ll never have the chance to be close like this as a couple in the near future...”

 “I’m fine with us staying the status quo,” Nico smiled painfully, squeezing Maki’s hands. “You’ll have the opportunity to do so in the future when you eventually find someone else who loves and cares for you.”

 Maki’s face contorted and she embraced Nico tightly, hot tears streaming down her face.

 

 “But  _ Nico-chan _ is the one  **_I_ ** love!”

 

 Once again, Maki was annoyed at Nico. She persisted for Nico’s sake, and yet again, Nico put Maki’s interests before her own.

 

_ Why did a stubborn girl like Maki fall in love with an equally stubborn girl? _

 

* * *

 Night fell, and Maki offered to send Nico back to the hospital with her chauffeur.

 

 “Thank you for everything today, I had lots of fun,” Nico smiled, bading Maki farewell before she stepped into the hospital building.

 “Me too.”

 “I’m sorry for what had happened just now.”

 “It’s okay, Nico-chan.”

 Maki briefly hugged Nico, then Nico turned around to return to the hospital building.

  
 It was a day Maki would remember fondly for years to come, as one of the final happy moments in her brief relationship with Yazawa Nico.


	6. Chapter 6

 Shortly after their day out together, Nico’s condition started to deteriorate. It was as if her body knew better to hold on until that day, before lapsing into a worsening state.

 Nico spent almost all her time in bed, for she was often too tired to get up and walk about. If she was not sleeping, she was writhing around restlessly, for pain started to plague her continually, gnawing into her bones and nerves. Holding conversations with her was also becoming an uphill task, as her laboured breathing made it difficult for the once bubbly girl to speak at length.

 Seeing Nico inch closer and closer to death each day was painful, but Maki still visited her everyday when she was at the hospital, once during her break and once before she left. Sometimes, she would see Nico’s family coming to visit her, and occasionally a few friends, and once she even saw Rin and Hanayo from Nico’s former idol group.

 

 “You don’t need...to visit me everyday...if you’re busy…” Nico whimpered as Maki entered her ward yet again during the lunch hour.

 “It’s alright, seeing you makes me happy,” Maki replied, adjusting the pillows that propped Nico up.

 “But why?” Nico inquired raspily. “I can’t talk fast… I’m mostly half-asleep when you come… And I’m thinner than before… I’m not cute at all right now.”

 “Silly girl,” Maki giggled softly, “it doesn’t matter if you’re cute or not, just being around you is enough for me.”

 Nico took in a few strained breaths, then responded, “You’re getting really cheesy nowadays...Maki... It’s not like the Maki...I first knew…”

 

 Nico continued breathing heavily, her face contorted in agony as the effects of her last dosage of painkillers started to wear off. Maki bit her lip, suppressing all urges to cry or shout in frustration. Maki was getting better at putting on a brave front, but she still could not prevent those feelings of sadness and anguish from manifesting inside her.

 

* * *

 “Are you sad...Maki…?” Nico asked when Maki came to visit one evening just before she knocked off.

 “What?”

 “You’re always acting strong whenever you’re with me...but I can tell…”

 

 Shit, Nico was causing her to tear up again.

 

 “Maybe...I’m kinda sad…” Maki blubbered. “But who wouldn’t be...when the person you love doesn’t have much longer to live?”

 Nico forced out a smile, and raised a quivering hand in the “Nico-nico-nii” pose.

 “Y-Yazawa Nico-nii is in charge…of everyone’s smiles… If you’re feeling down...let Nico-nii put a smile on your face…”

 “Okay, okay, I get it.” Maki clasped Nico’s cold, clammy hands. “I’ll try my best to be upbeat about your situation.”

 Nico shut her eyes contentedly and her arm slumped - she was clearly feeling exhausted from all that talking with Maki. Seeing that Nico needed some rest, Maki decided to take her leave and go back home.

 

 “Maki…” Nico’s faint voice stopped Maki in her tracks.

 “What is it?”

 “I wish to hold...my final live...as an idol...before I go. Would you...help me with it…?”

 Maki looked at Nico in bewilderment. “But how? You can’t even get out-”

 “Here, in my room. Nico-nii’s...final live. Can you…?”

 Nico stared at Maki with pleading eyes.

 “Well, okay. Just tell me what to do.”

 

* * *

 It was a typical day at the terminal ward, but something special was happening at room 252.

 A few pink balloons and confetti were draped across the doorway, complete with a neatly handwritten sign that read “Yazawa Nico’s Final Live”. Next to the door stood a simple styrofoam stand with a picture of Nico in one of her idol costumes, taken while she was still an idol.

 In front of Nico’s bed, a few foldable plastic chairs were arranged neatly in a row. These seats were reserved for none other than Nico’s family and her idol groupmates, and of course, Maki.

 

 When it was time for the live performance, Maki ushered Nico’s audience into the room - Rin, Hanayo, Nico’s mother, Cocoro, Cocoa and Cotaro. Nico was propped up in bed, dressed in one of her old costumes, her face adorned with some light makeup. The 7 of them took their seats, and Nico picked up her fake microphone.

 “Everyone...thank you for coming to...Yazawa Nico’s final live. As an eternal idol...it brings me great joy...to perform for the ones I love...my idol groupmates...my family...and my girlfriend. Now...sit back and enjoy…’Mahoutsukai Hajimemashita’...”

 With shaky hands, Nico reached for the iPod placed on the dressing table. She struggled to grab hold of it and touch the screen, almost dropping it as she did so. Maki was about to get out of her seat to help her, but was stopped when Nico looked straight at her, as if telling her that she could manage on her own.

 Eventually, Nico hit the play button on the iPod, and cheerful instrumentals played through the speakers on the dressing table.

 

**_“Hi hi hi! Try and smile_ ** ****_  
_ **_Hi hi hi! Being able to smile is important_ ** ****_  
_ **_Instead of worrying or rushing, let's take life easy_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_A smile-filled everyday”_

 

 Nico belted out those lyrics with a hoarse, breathy voice, maintaining a weak smile on her face. As compared to her usual performances as an idol, Nico was mostly out of tune, and often struggled to keep with the pace of the song, yet it was obvious to everyone watching that Nico was giving her best in her performance, beads of sweat forming on her pale face.

 As Nico continued singing the cheery song about putting a smile on everyone’s faces, Rin and Hanayo waved their light sticks to the music, imitating the fans at their concerts, while Nico’s siblings clapped along. Maki watched intently, tapping her foot to the rhythm, observing Nico sing and gesture along to the to the song. Nico loved being an idol more than anything else, and it made Maki glad that Nico was able to do what she loved during her last days.

 

**_“The magic of a smile, the next magic_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Sending you magic, to make everyone happy”_ **

 

 The music faded, and Nico ended her performance, panting in exhaustion.

 

_ “How ironic,” _ Maki mused. In a nondescript terminal ward that reeked of despair and imminent death, an idol’s concert was being held, singing a song with lyrics brimming with smiles and happiness. Having final stage lymphoma was no cause for smiling everyday, yet Nico always tried to do so, even encouraging those around her to keep smiling.

 

 “Thank you for attending Nico’s final live…” Nico managed, her voice barely audible if not for the quietness of the room. “I hope I’ve put a smile...on everyone’s faces. Now before we end...let’s all do this together-”

 Nico and everyone seated on the chairs - even Maki - lifted their hands in that distinctive pose.

 

 “Nico-nico-nii!”

 

* * *

 “Thank you for helping me...set up this live...and invite everyone over…” Nico thanked Maki when they were both alone, after her family and groupmates had left.

 “You’re welcome, Nico-chan. I hope you had fun.”

 A smile formed on Nico’s thin, pale lips. She nodded meekly, then her eyes fell shut.

 “Have a good rest,” Maki whispered, and gently kissed her on the forehead before leaving the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 (likely the final chapter) may take a longer time to be posted as I have yet to write the last part, which I have been putting off because school has started :P


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After 1.5 months, the final chapter is out!! I'm very sorry it took so long - I still had a bit of the chapter left to write when school started. Then things started to get busy and I just lost the mood to write, even though I could easily complete the last bit if I had just set aside the time to. But I finally got to it during this 1 week break, so here it is! Now at least there's this sense of closure as I continue studying for quizzes and doing assignments during the break =.=

 Nico’s condition soon reached the point where she often drifted in and out of consciousness, and was starting to be less responsive whenever Maki or her other loved ones visited. At that point, it was clear to everyone - Nico was going to leave them anytime.

 Maki still visited Nico daily, whether Nico was aware of her or not. It had almost become habitual, something she could cling onto as a source of emotional solace.

 

 It was a pity the day she could no longer do so was drawing near.

 

 Then came the day when Nico spoke to Maki for the very last time. Maki was sitting next to Nico’s bed, gently massaging her fingers while Nico lay there, breathing noisily.

 “It was a pretty okay day at the hospital today, I must say,” Maki spoke, as per her usual routine of recounting the day’s events to Nico. “I treated a young girl today, she had dark hair and twintails, and looked just like you!”

 Nico barely responded, and continued breathing heavily as Maki proceeded to rub some moisturising lotion on her bony hands.

 Maki continued, “Remember I told you RinPana held a concert last weekend? I saw an article about it today in the entertainment news! Apparently it’s their first time appearing in the papers!”

 Nico languidly turned her head towards Maki, fixing her eyes on her for a few seconds before responding, “...Good...for them.”

 Maki smiled, glad and relieved that Nico was still responsive today.  _ “Nico-chan still responds the most readily to anything related to idols,” Maki mused. _

 Just then, Maki noticed Nico’s lips quivering. Was she going to say something else?

 

 “M...Ma...ki…”

 “Yes, Nico-chan?” Maki leaned closer to Nico, listening intently to what she was going to say next.

 There was a pregnant pause between them as Nico struggled to vocalise her words, then Nico spoke again.

 “Do you...regret...knowing me…?”

 

 Maki licked her lips, momentarily stunned at the question. Indeed, getting acquainted with Nico almost seemed like an accident. Nico could have been any other patient she had previously treated, which was then quickly erased from her memory, yet a series of happy accidents managed to bring them together. If she had not attempted to draw blood from her three times, then crashed into her at the hallway two weeks later, she would not have befriended her and eventually fall in love with her. 

 But maybe fate determined that Maki should encounter that indie idol with terminal cancer and allow her to wrap herself around Maki’s finger. If not for Nico, Maki would not have experienced friendship so pure and genuine for all 25 years in her life, and the saccharine sweetness of romance and falling in love for the first time. 

 Yet fate was cruel, choosing a ticking time bomb as the first person to unlock the locks guarding Maki’s heart.

 

 Maki sighed. Then a wistful smile emerged from the corners of her lips.

 “I don’t regret knowing you, Nico-chan. Although we’ve only met after you’d been diagnosed with cancer, the past year had been enjoyable for me while I was with you. Because of you, Nico-chan, I have been able to open up my heart and know what it’s like to really love someone.

 Maki paused, her cheeks turning slightly pink, before she added, “I love you, Nico-chan.”

 

 Nico’s eyes disappeared into two slits as she smiled.

 “I’m glad...you feel that way…” Nico replied, enunciating those words with great care.

 “I love you too...Maki.”

 

 Maki’s eyes smarted, as tears started to form. Her heart ached, a dull pain in her chest. She loved Nico so so much, yet Nico was fading away, soon to become nothing but a mere figment of her memory.

 

 No.

 

 She was not ready for this.

 

 She never was.

 

* * *

 Finally, the day where Nico departed arrived. 

 

 That morning, the doctors declared that she was in a critical condition and could pass away any moment. Her family and closest friends immediately flocked to the hospital to see Nico for the very last time, bading farewell to her. There was an air of solemness in her ward that day, with some of them gazing at Nico’s unconscious figure silently, while others sobbed uncontrollably, devastated that the day was finally this close.

 Maki did drop by for a short while during the day, but did not stay for long. After all, those who visited Nico that day knew her for many years, and their attachment to Nico was much stronger than Maki’s. They have had much more memories with Nico than Maki did with her, meaning that their sense of loss would be much greater than Maki’s.

 Nonetheless, despite knowing Nico for a comparatively short while, Nico still filled up a large part of Maki’s heart, and her demise would leave a gaping hole in her heart again.

 

 The evening before Maki knocked off, she visited Nico’s ward once more. Nico was unconscious as usual, connected to all sorts of machines with tubes, yet this did not stop Maki from going up to Nico and gazing at her visage for what seemed like a long time.

 Eventually, Maki decided to take her leave and go back home.

 

 “Goodbye, Nico-chan,” Maki whispered hoarsely, before turning her back and leaving room 252.

 

 That very night, Nico passed away.

 

* * *

 Maki only found out about the news the next morning when she reported for work. Outside Nico’s ward, her distraught family members were talking to the doctors, settling the paperwork and dealing with Nico’s body. Maki took a while to take in everything and accept the fact, but once she stepped into the room, only to see Nico’s bed empty, it finally hit her.

 

 Nico was gone.

 

 Maki had been mentally preparing herself for this day, but when it actually happened, Maki was still caught unaware and momentarily confused at how she should feel. Was Nico really gone, just like that? Wasn’t she still there the evening before, when Maki visited?

 Maki continued the day like a zombie, before she decided at lunch time that she should take urgent leave and go home to sort her emotions out.

 

 For the next few days, Maki remained at home crying her eyes out.

 

* * *

 The weekend came and gone, and on Monday, Maki decided to return to work again. It was not an easy decision, for the notion of stepping into the hospital building caused her mind to be flooded with all those negative emotions again, but as a future medical doctor, Maki knew she could not afford to flinch at the face of death. 

 Steeling herself, Maki entered the hospital, making her way to the area she worked at. She deliberately avoided passing the terminal ward, so as to not trigger herself again.

 

 Work went on as per usual, and Maki was relieved that she was able to handle the patients and aid the senior doctors with relative ease without being too affected by Nico’s death. However, towards the end of her shift, a nurse suddenly approached her along the corridor.

 

 “Are you Nishikino Maki?” The nurse inquired. She was evidently not from the department Maki was working at, but she looked vaguely familiar.

 “Yes, I am…” Maki replied, trying to recall where she had seen her before.

 “I’m one of the nurses that regularly tended to Yazawa Nico-san. She told me to pass you this note once she passes away.”

 “Oh. Thanks.”

 Maki took the neatly folded note from the nurse, who promptly walked away thereafter. She then slipped it in her pocket, saving it to read once she got home.

 

* * *

 That night, when Maki had entered her bedroom, she pulled out the note from her pocket. It was written with shaken but somewhat neat handwriting, and Maki started to read it slowly, savouring the very last fragment of Nico’s existence for her.

 

_  “Dear Maki, _

_  I’m not sure exactly when you will be reading this, but what I know for sure that at this very moment, I am no longer in this world. Ah, Nico isn’t very good with words, but since Maki is very dear to Nico, I try my best to express myself in this letter. _

_  Our first meeting wasn’t the most memorable, was it? You pricked me three times and I got mad, and then you broke my iPod the second time we met. But somehow we became friends and fell in love, and to experience romance and dating, even if it was just for a while, made me really happy. You know, as idols, we always sing about falling in love and such, but because Nico-nii always belonged to everyone, she never dated anyone and gave her heart to one person alone. However, after you entered my life, I finally got to do so, and to have a smart and beautiful girl like Maki be my girlfriend made me feel so privileged! (Of course, you should be honoured to be dating almost-super idol Yazawa Nico as well.) _

_  Maki-chan always puts on a cool exterior, keeping her emotions to herself, but I can see that deep inside, Maki-chan is a passionate person who cares for those she loves deeply. I always feel so secure and content whenever I’m with you, Maki, and I’m sure you enjoy being with me too. But as you know, I’ll be gone soon, and you still have many days ahead of you. So with all my heart, I hope that you will eventually let go of our relationship and find someone else who can love you as much, or even more than I do. Please don’t worry about me - even in heaven, Nico-nii will look down and smile when she sees that Maki is happily in love with her newfound lover! _

_  There’s so much more I want to say to you, but my energy is limited. All in all, thank you for everything, Maki, and I hope that Nico-nii’s smiles will continue to keep you in good spirits! _

_  Love, _

_  Nico” _

 

 When Maki finally finished reading the letter, she gently laid down the piece of paper on her bed and rubbed away the tears welling up in her eyes. Reading the letter, it felt as if Nico was there, speaking to her as if she were still alive.

 As much as Maki wanted to cling on to her memories with Nico forever, it was Nico’s wish for her to move on, and she had to do so. Nevertheless, she knew that she could still hold on to the feelings Nico had left behind for her. Nico had taught her how it felt like to genuinely care for someone, how to remain cheerful in the face of adversity, and most importantly, how to love.

  
 “Thank you, Nico-chan.” Maki whispered.


End file.
